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phishphreak
02-05-2009, 10:02 AM
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My
elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.
'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample
and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes
ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.
He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He
pours the sample into the slot and waits.

10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It
will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began
wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his
wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10,
pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ WalMart.....

nick a
02-05-2009, 12:27 PM
HA!

Here's a Wally World story I got in my e-mail.

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

joe_jaskot
02-05-2009, 02:54 PM
LOL! How did the Irish setter make out?

nick a
02-09-2009, 05:16 PM
Another e-mailed WallyWorld story;

I had ambitions of finding a simple, uncomplicated part-time job after
retiring from my 'day job'. Unfortunately, as I have gotten a little older, I
have become a little less sensitive. So after landing my new job as a
Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling
obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

So I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Artie
02-09-2009, 05:44 PM
;-) hehehe